Don't let me drown
by WhiteRosesHaveBlackThorns
Summary: When Riku comes back to Namine after leaving for a year, everything seems perfect. But can it actually be more dangerous than before? warning: contains self-abuse, possible alchohol, blood, and battle scenes.


_Don't Let Me Drown_

"_Hi. Where've you been?" I asked him._

"_Why?" curtly retorted the teenaged boy in a black cloak._

"_You're late," I reminded him. He knows I don't like it when he's late._

"_Heartless trouble. Xemnas needed me, but Axel and Roxas took over."_

You see how my day goes. I'm currently locked up in a white mansion all by myself, with the exception of Riku. I've been locked here…my entire life, I think. All I can remember, anyways.

Huh. How ironic. The memory witch forgets her childhood. What a hoot.

If you're wondering why I don't just leave, I'll tell you two reasons. One: Riku, whom was my former almost-assassin and is currently my best friend, comes to visit me every day he can. Two: Since Riku was my former almost-assassin, the Organization thinks I'm dead. I don't think they'd be friendly if they saw me alive. Riku wouldn't allow it anyway. Believe it or not from my little introduction, Riku is actually a pretty cool but caring guy when he's around me. That was the first time he acted that way, and I was hurt and surprised.

"_Riku, come _here_! Let me heal that gash. It looks like it's infected."_

_Riku snorted and turned away. _

"_I don't need healing- I'm fine. Go away."_

_My eyes opened wide. How could he be telling me to go away?!_

"_You came _here_! Don't tell me to go away!"_

_He abruptly turned around to face me. His face was twisted in anger._

"_Then I'll leave!"_

_I felt instantly terrified. Riku needed his wound healed, and fighting would just open it up again, and possibly cause him to die. _

"_No…" I whispered._

"_What?"_

"_No! I won't let you go! You'll get hurt!" I shouted._

_He scoffed. It seemed that every move he made pained me. My heart- if I had one- was aching. I could feel his words tear at it, slowly ripping it apart, and then burning the pieces._

"I _was supposed to protect _you_. I can handle without you."_

"_Please! Just stay! I need you here!" I begged, falling off my chair onto my knees. I was sure I was a pitiful sight, but I didn't care. I was sobbing by now._

"_I don't need you." He turned to walk away._

"_But…! Riku…!" I called out despairingly._

"What_?!" he shouted, turning around. I saw him clench his fist, which meant he really wanted to summon his weapon. I refused to believe he would actually use it on me._

"_I…I love you! You can't go!" _

_I knew my words were true as soon as they left my mouth. Even though I was a Nobody and couldn't feel emotion, I knew that my love for him was as real as real could get. I hoped he knew it too._

"_Namine`… I love you, too. But I have to go." His voice betrayed emotion for the first time. Anger, despair, sadness, love, hopelessness. It seems like he was making a choice, and choosing the other over me. _

…_but he loves me?! Why would he leave if he loved me?!_

"_Why do you have to leave? Why?!" I screamed._

"_Namine`, I…You know Kairi and Sora?" he asked, turning around to face me again._

_I nodded. Kairi was my other half. Sora was her friend, and most likely more than that by now. They were both Riku's best friends a long time ago._

"_Roxas found Sora."_

_I gasped. If Sora and his Nobody, Roxas, found each other, then they certainly would have joined by now. Which means Sora was all set for his journey to find Kairi. _

"_I have to go with Sora to find her. You'll be safe here, the Organization has no use for this mansion, and they've believed you dead for years. Axel will check on you anyway, like I do. Like I used to."_

"_Please don't leave me here!" I begged. He rested his hand on my cheek, helped me up, and wiped a tear away._

"_I have to. I can't take you with me, it's too dangerous. Promise me you'll stay here until I come back," he said softly._

"_I…I promise." It hurt me greatly to say the words. _

_Riku smiled his brilliant, rare smile, his jade eyes gleaming. The only emotion left on his face was love. Pure love. And it was all mine, only meant for me. No one else could take it away from me._

_Despite my small doubts, I knew in that moment he would come back as soon as he could. _

_Riku bent down slightly, kissed my cheek, and whispered in my ear the words that would echo around my head for months:_

"_I love you. I'll miss you. I promise I'll be back soon. You won't have time to miss me."_

_Tears welled up in my eyes again, and I smiled softly when he wiped my tears away again._

_O, why did this have to happen now? Why did I have my epiphany when he's almost gone? How did we get from arguing to…_this_?_

"_Goodbye, Namine`," he whispered, his hand on the doorknob._

"_Goodbye, Riku."_

_I heard the door shut, and waited for it to open again. I waited, and waited, and waited. It never opened again._

…

That is my saddest and happiest memory of my life. Axel did come every day, like Riku promised, but he never talked. That was fine with me. I'm more of a quiet person myself. I liked to wallow in my thoughts, to cling onto memories of Riku so I could never forget him, no matter what.

At times, I thought "If I weren't a Nobody, would he have taken me with him? If I were a Somebody, would we be together now? Would I be able to truly love him if I had a heart?"

The answer is no. His quest to find his friends was a personal thing, I understood that. I've seen many in memories.

I've tried to fight off my depression by drawing pictures of him. I could never really get the eyes right, because I couldn't see them. Oh, what I would give for another day with him.

The next thing I tried was cutting my wrists. I had plenty of spare sharp things around. Usually, I used a sliver of glass from a broken window. Axel never noticed, and if he did, he never said anything.

That's how it was for a year. I never forgot him, not even for a second. I couldn't. I made it impossible. I was hurting myself by not letting go, but I couldn't let go. He promised he'd be back. He loves me. I just had to wait.

At the year mark, I cut myself more than ever before. Since I favored my left hand, my right arm and hand were scarred on every bit a skin I could find. I was a healer, so I could just heal them myself, but I didn't. Instead, my body's natural healing process took over. I still healed fast, though. They would scab over after an hour. But the scars never completely faded. Now, I was bleeding so much my arm felt numb. Even Axel couldn't ignore that when he came.

"Why do you do that to yourself?" he grumbled.

"Because I love him," I answered. Axel knew who I was talking about.

"He wouldn't want you to hurt yourself for him."

"You're saying that as if he died."

"He still wouldn't want you to do that."

"Too bad."

Axel shut up after that.

An hour later, I got fed up and decided to take a walk outside. The Heartless wouldn't be awake now- they're mostly nocturnal.

"Where are you going? You're supposed to stay inside!" Axel exclaimed, seeing my hand on the doorknob.

"Outside. I've been stuck in this place for a year. The Heartless'll be too groggy to fight me," I said, closing the door behind me.

I was excited that I would finally be going outside, but it didn't last long. I almost got lost on the way to the door. I was stupid enough to mistake it for a broom cupboard.

When I finally found the front door, I opened it and walked outside for the first time. Everything was like I remember it. I didn't feel anything. No sense of wonder or dismay. Just…nothing. There were puddles of water where the snow melted; flowers sprung up everywhere, soaking up what sun they could before the clouds took over again; the world seemed peacefully and blissfully normal.

I stepped into the sun, and immediately stepped back. I'd been inside for so long that my pale skin burned when it was touched by sunlight. I shrugged the burning off, and continued on my walk.

Everything was quiet, still, and completely normal. Although it was the middle of the day, it might as well have been morning, for no one was out. Only the birds were, and they annoyed me, so that wasn't too peaceful. I wished I'd brought my notebook with me.

A glint of silver and black flashed behind me. I turned around to see what it was, but everything was normal. Still, I felt a bit paranoid after that.

After an hour, I decided to return to the mansion. There was nothing to see outside, but I would still miss it.

"I'm back," I called, climbing up the stairs that led to my room. The house was silent and still, like outside.

"Axel?" I knocked on my door, and opened it slowly. Everything was normal, apart from the absence of the fiery red head that usually was here. I sunk into one of the chairs, suddenly exhausted.

"Hello," said a familiar voice behind me. It was holding back a lot of emotion, I could tell. What that emotion was, I didn't know. I stiffened.

The man behind me chuckled.

"Don't be afraid. I'd never hurt you. Namine, I'm back."

I couldn't speak. I was too shocked to feel anything. It struck me why the voice was familiar…

"R-Riku?" I whispered. I didn't dare to have hope, but it came anyway.

"I'm back, Namine," he repeated softly. I turned around in my chair, and saw a man with shoulder-length spiky silver hair, pale skin, and a black cloak. His hood was pushed all the way back, so I could clearly see his face. I stood up and ran over to him, hugging him around the waist.

"Y-You're here!" I blubbered. Tears of happiness rolled down my cheeks. When I pulled back, he wiped them away.

"I'm sorry I was gone so long. I shouldn't have left you here," he apologized.

"It doesn't matter! You're here now."

He smiled his amazing smile, lighting up his face. His eyes caught sight of my arm, and his smile was replaced by an expression of mixed confusion and horror.

"Namine, what've you been doing to yourself?!"

I'd nearly forgotten that I was supposed to be bleeding to death. I smiled sheepishly.

"I missed you, and there was nothing else that could take the pain away. Nothing. Everything else only made it worse, so I-"

"So you settled for nearly cutting your arm off?!" he interrupted.

"Er…Yeah."

"Why?! Didn't Axel reprimand you, even once?!"

I was about to respond no, but I closed my mouth and thought about it. Axel _did _reprimand me in his own way, with his disapproving silences and uncaring glares. I settled for a slight nod. Riku pulled me back into a tight hug.

"I'm sorry I forced you to do that. But I was keeping you here so I'd know you were safe. I never imagined that you'd do this."

"_I'm _sorry. I'd thought you'd forgotten me," I confessed.

"Never! I could never forget you! Every second of every minute of every hour of every day of every week of every month I've been thinking of you, wishing I could come home! I will _never _forget you!"

I smiled softly as tears of joy rolled down my cheeks.

"I know," I murmured.

…

**A/N: I **_**SO **_**did not mean to post this. In fact, I dropped it for a while. But I re-read it and it was good so now I shall post it. It will be in separate chapters. EXPECT FLUFF AND SOMEWHAT VIOLENCE! I might have to get some help on the bloody battle scenes, but I WILL FINISH THIS! :D**

**Review! Pretty please? I won't send my aliens after you…unless you want aliens stalking you, then I'll give them to you if you review :D**

**FLAMES SHALL BE USED TO BURN RANCID MEAT! AND I SHALL FEED THEM TO YOUR DOG!**


End file.
